Jack Rory Tells the Ponies About Bronies

It was bedtime. Jack Rory was preparing to read the My Little Ponies a story.


“Oh! Oh! We want a scary story, Jack Rory!” Rainbow Dash and Heartstring Eternal said. “We love scary stories!”


“No! We don’t like scary stories,” Scootaloo and Cherilee said. “We want a story about bunnies and ice cream!”JRMLPbunnyicecream

But Jack Rory didn’t want to tell stories about witches and goblins, or about bunnies and ice cream. He had something else in mind.

“Tonight,” Jack Rory announced, “I am going to tell you the story of Bronies.”

“Bronies?” The Ponies were mystified. “What are Bronies?”


“Listen, and you will learn,” Jack Rory said, winking an eye at them.

“Once upon a time,” he began, as the Ponies clustered around him.


“…There was a tribe of earnest young men, who cultivated an allegedly non-ironic obsession with the television series My Little Ponies: Friendship Is Magic.”

“You mean…that show about us?” Rainbow Dash asked in a shaky voice. This was sounding like it might turn out to be a scary story after all!

“Yes. That one,” Jack Rory said. “They called themselves ‘Bronies’ because they were male. This set them apart from your expected audience, namely, little girls.”

Tears welled up in Scootaloo’s eyes. (She cried easily.) The other ponies ignored her and urged Jack Rory to go on.


“Tell us more, Jack Rory!” they said.

“Well,” said Jack Rory, “the Bronies insisted that the show was very meaningful to them. As a result, they formed online communities, and even BronyCon, a yearly convention where they gather to worship together.”

“Now I KNOW you’re only joking,” Rainbow Dash said.


Jack Rory gave her a stern look. “Rainbow,” he said, “I never joke.”

Cherilee spoke up next. “But…why?” she asked. “Why do these men like us so much?”

“That’s the great mystery of Brony culture,” Jack Rory said. “No one understands it except the Bronies themselves.”

Suddenly, the lights went out!


“The Bronies!” the Ponies squealed. They ran away, home to their corral. JRMLPgo

Meanwhile, Jack Rory flipped the lights back on and chuckled as he closed his book.


“Sometimes,” he thought to himself, “it’s almost too easy.”



I'm Sarah. I like to write things. Terrible things. I'm available to write terrible things for you. You can contact me at terriblethingshavehappened.gmail.com.
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