{Editor’s note: The next chapter in The Elf’s Destiny: ‘Tis The Season for Romance will be posted later tonight. If you’re enjoying this saga, please do share it with your frenemies and loved ones.}

Welcome to the Terrible Things Have Happened Fireside FAQ,  in which I will attempt to answer some questions I’ve received in loose order of most to least frequently asked.

1. What’s wrong with you? 

According to reader-submitted comments, I am “sick in the head,” “messed up,” “crazypants,” “a nut,” and “twisted,” among other things. Good thing I have an in-house psychiatrist!

2.  Why are you doing this?

See above. Also, it’s a fun exercise in creative expression.

3.  Do your kids know about this?

Suckers don’t have a clue.

4.  Do you do all kinds of elaborate and adorable Elf setups for your kids to discover?

No. He gets moved from Point A to Point B, end of story. They’re still excited to find him each morning, even if he’s not making snow angels in piles of powdered sugar or having a snowball fight with mini-marshmallows, or whatever. And I have less to clean up.

oooooh, look, Jack Rory's on the fridge

oooooh, look, Jack Rory’s on the fridge

5. I hate Elf on a Shelf? I think it’s stupid and consumerist, and detracts from the true meaning of Christmas?

That’s not really a question. But let me clarify that I am not an Elf-defender. We have an Elf because we thought it would be fun for the kids. And it is.  Is it stupid and consumerist? Yes. Does it detract from the true meaning of Christmas? Let’s not get carried away. It’s a doll that adults move around at night, ostensibly to delight children via the premise that magic exists. I suppose there’s an argument to be made that this does, indeed, detract from the meaning of Christmas somehow, but I’m not going to make it.

6. Where are Destiny‘s clothes? 

Beats me. As far as I can remember, she never had any. Aside from her perma-undies and pink platform wedges, that is.

6.  Do you work?

I do, but things are pretty slow right now. If you know anyone looking for a freelance writer, message me.



I'm Sarah. I like to write things. Terrible things. I'm available to write terrible things for you. You can contact me at terriblethingshavehappened.gmail.com.
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